I Didn’t Want to be a Boy Mom- Part 2

*If you didn’t read part 1, read that first here

In the Fall of 2016, we were packing up our house to move to Mexico. This had been a desire for my husband and I- to take a year and immerse our kids in the Mexican culture and the language. We had been trying to get pregnant for about 18 months. Finally, we decided that it was time to move on and we began to give away our baby items. I scheduled a physical just as a step of something to do before we moved to another country. My doctor informed me that everything was fine. She joked that maybe I just needed to go to Mexico, relax on the beach and I would get pregnant. 3 weeks later I was in her office for my 1st pregnancy visit.

And there I was, pregnant. It was the start of another emotional roller coaster. Our plans to go to Mexico for a year were adjusted to be just a few months. The internal fears and worries had started as well….will this baby be okay? Will I have another miscarriage? And of course the big question- Could this baby be a girl?

It’s the question that is always there after having two boys. It’s the question that I didn’t want to linger on for too long. My mama heart wanted to stay neutral to this question that I had no control of. It felt dangerous to even go there. On one side, it seemed like I didn’t enjoy being a mom to the two boys I already had. On the other side, I was hopeful to maybe have a little girl to keep me company in a house full of boys.

My response as people’s questions began was turning to humor. When someone would ask, “Do you want a boy or a girl?” I would respond, “Either one is fine. It’s not like a vending machine where you can put in some coins and make a selection.” People would usually laugh and we’d move on in the conversation. But inside I was afraid to admit that I had a great desire to have a daughter.

It was time for the ultrasound, yes the one where they usually can tell you the gender. I was on the table and as I looked around the room I saw my husband, and my two sons. We were all eagerly awaiting the results. The moment came so quickly after so much anticipation, the doctor said, “It’s a boy!” And of course I had no doubts because I had already gotten use to recognizing “the third leg” in the picture.

My journey of accepting my role as a Mom of Boys has had it’s ups and downs. I have had to ask God to show me how to raise boys again and again. I have read books about raising boys. And I have even had to grieve the little girl I never had. (More on that in another blog 😉

I believe that God gives us the kids that we are meant to raise whether by birth, adoption or being a support to the parents. If you have a boy in your life-give him a little grace. Smile and laugh with him when he farts and you will have a buddy for life. Be on the watch for the moments where you get a glimpse into their tender heart because- yes!- their hearts are so tender.

So I didn’t want to be a mom of ALL boys and that’s okay to admit. I still love my three sons so much! I wouldn’t change any of it- well maybe less farts!

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